It hurts. So we lie.

I had a long chat with one of my best friends a couple days ago and came to the conclusion that 90% of the population is just plain stupid. No two ways about it.
I, of course, am referring to their attitudes about the military, military families and the military way of life. What irritates me even more is not the fact that people have messed up opinions. It’s the fact that the opinions are those of military spouses and military personnel.

****What I’m going to say may very well step on some toes. That’s not my intention. I’m merely voicing my opinion. This isn’t aimed at any particular person as much as people in general that I have encountered over the years****

I heard about a situation that amounted to nothing more than a pissing contest between military wives with children, wives with no children and those who aren’t married at all.
Being that I couldn’t be a part of that conversation, I feel the need to put my opinion out there. Just to get it off my chest and out of my mind.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Military life is hard. Regardless of the situation you’re in. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through in the past, nothing can really prepare you for falling in love with a man in uniform.

It doesn’t matter if you’re married, not married, have kids or not. It’s equally hard for each and every one of us. We all have to deal with deployments, time in the field training, TDY’s, long hours…. I could go on, but I won’t. The point is that it’s an inevitable part of military life.

For those with children: I can empathize with the need to put on a happy face for your kids, to try and seem less sad about the situation. But the truth is kids are SO much smarter than we give them credit for. I think it is okay for them to see you upset. I think it is okay to explain to them that you’re sad because you miss their daddy and to let them know it is okay for them to be sad and miss him as well.
On another note, I think having kids makes the days go by faster. You stay busy playing with them, cleaning up after them…  To a point, I feel like those of you with the kids have an easy way to get through the day, a built in distraction.

To those who think deployments are harder when you have children, I ask you to hold your tongue. It’s not easier for me because I have no children that I think I have to be strong for.
Honestly, I wish I had kids to help keep me busy.

Before you run your mouth and tell someone that a deployment isn’t as hard for them as it is for you, stop and take a second and reflect on what you know about that person, their situation, his job…
Maybe her guy’s a POG or an infantryman or MI or EOD or whatever the case maybe.

I can only speak for myself, but my guy, well, he’s not a POG. The day I took him to the airport, I cried like a baby because I honestly wasn’t sure if I would see him alive again. My whole day, every day, revolved around my computer and my cell phone. Just to know if he made it in alive the night before.

It wasn’t just his absence from my daily life that made it hard; I actually do quite well on my own. For me, it was the constant worry and fear of the chaplain showing up at my door.

I had a vague idea of what he did when we met. As things started to get more serious, we had a nice, big, long talk about his job. He told me as much as he could about it. He wanted me to understand what I was getting into and to know that it was okay if I couldn’t handle it. I chose to stay.

When he leaves, which is often, I put on my happy face. I mow the grass. I weed-eat the driveway and sidewalk. I pull weeds out of the flower beds. I take the trash to the dump. I manage to keep up with my own routine even with the added chores. My friends, neighbors and family all check in on me. Ask how I’m doing. And because no one really understands, I lie. I tell them I’m fine, great even.
“No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, like it or not. But here’s the truth about the truth: it hurts. So we lie.”

The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter if you’re married, not married, have kids or not. It’s hard for each and every one of us. It is a sacrifice we have to make to be with the men we love. Maybe they joined before you came into their lives. Maybe they joined after. Either way, the military is YOUR life now, too.
 So, get off your high horse, stop thinking that your life is so much harder than everyone else. Take what you’ve got and count your blessings. Try and remember that you’re not the only one having a hard time. We all have problems. Some of us just choose not to broadcast them.

Here’s the truth about the truth: it hurts. So we lie.

Always Second Never First

“I fall second to the Army because that’s the way it has to be.
His devotion is to our country, but his heart beats only for me.”

On a normal Saturday morning, I was helping him pack for yet another Army school. Out of nowhere, I got this really sharp pain in the back side of my chest cavity, behind my shoulder blade, if you will. The pain only got worse. We ended up driving 45 minutes to the ER in the best hospital in the region. And all the while, he was complaining that he could potentially lose his slot in the Army school because he was driving me to the ER. By the time we got to the ER, I was in tears not only because I was in so much pain but because we argued the whole drive down and I was worried he’d lose his school slot because of me.
Talk about feeling like crap. All I wanted was to get out the truck and away from him because he’d made me feel so bad. Looking back on the situation, I realize now it wasn’t his intention to make me feel so bad especially not under those circumstances, he wanted me to realize that he cares enough about me to risk his slot in the class. 

Once I was admitted into the ER and my parents arrived, he left. He left. He left to go home and finish packing so he could head to Georgia for his school.
I spent a very frustrating 9.5 hours in the ER. Sure, my parents were there. But it was him that I wanted. Because of the Army, he couldn’t be there for me.

Luckily the situation wasn’t as serious as we thought and it was sort of okay that he wasn’t there. But it made me stop and think about all the other things in life that he’s going to miss because of Army this or Army that. It’s not fair and it sucks.
I will never come before his job. I will never come first.

I can say that I honestly love the person he is BECAUSE of the job that he does. He would not be the man I’m in love with if he were a stock broker, a neurosurgeon or a CEO of some big company.
He’s a Soldier in the United States Army. He chose a job, he signed a contract and now the government owns him. And that’s just the way it is.
The Army will always come first.  But it doesn’t matter how far away the Army takes him, I will always have his heart.

A Common Bond

This is something I posted on my other blog a while back. I thought it an appropriate way to start this blog off because if it weren't for the amazing friends I have that understand my life, I would not be the person that I am today.

"The goodbye's are what make the hello's so wonderful."

How many times have we heard this? How many times have we heard this and wanted to hate it, but instead had to love it because it was the truth. Hundreds maybe. Thousands even.

Loving a man far away is hard, no matter what anyone says. Long distance in itself is difficult. But what magnifies it even more is the military lifestyle, the fact that our men are also Soldiers, Marines, Airmen, Sailors. Being an extension of the military, we are involved too. We lead our civilian lives, but whether or not we believe it, we also lead extensions of our men’s lives. We learn about the military. We read about it, speak of it, and maybe even dream about it. We know what all of the acronyms mean, and we don't even have to think twice when confronted with military time. We find ourselves swelling with pride everyime we hear the National Anthem. Every time we see another man in uniform, our hearts yearn for our own, and our prayers extend to whoever loves this man from far away. Each of you know exactly what I mean as I sit here, writing this to you. 

I am writing this for you.

For all of you who wake up in the morning, lay there for a few moments, trying to swallow the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach as you wonder where you Soldier is, or how he's doing... this is for you.

For all of you who start a countdown the minute he leaves and continue until he is back in your arms again... this is for you.

For all of you who tear up every time "Far Away" comes on the radio, or who press repeat when "Come Home Soon" plays in their car... this one's for you.

For all of you who see Military billboards, ads in the paper or commercials on TV and next notice the tears rolling down your cheeks... this is for you.

I am one of you too. This is for us.

For all the times we sleep with our phones on the loudest ringer possible, just so not to miss the call that MIGHT come.

For all the times we hear our Soldier’s name mentioned out loud, and are momentarily frozen... in a trance... in love.

For all the late nights spent alone, cuddling stuffed animals, wearing his branch’s sweatshirts and sweatpants, and clutching dog tags.

This one's for us.

We may feel weak on the inside, but on the outside we're strong.

We may be drowning in tears on the inside, but on the outside, we are a rock.

We may want to crawl in bed and sleep until our man comes home, but instead we get up and go on with our daily lives with our men in our hearts. 

We may feel as if we're slowly dying with each day we spend apart from our men, but instead, we put one foot in front of the other and take each day as it comes. 

It doesn’t matter that we’re separated by branch. One thing is the same: The unconditional love we have for our men that spans across the miles. 

We are strong and we are proud.
We have more love in our hearts than we ever thought possible, and for this, we are thankful.
We are thankful for our men and also for each other.

Alone we are weak. But together we are strong.
We help each other.
And we survive.

---I cannot take credit for this piece. Most of it was written by a good friend of mine. I added to and amended. Changed it to make it more my own. But I cannot take full credit. Thanks L.H.R.

just a little introduction

I'm just a girl with a passion for writing. It's always been the only thing I've felt I do well. I take a few pictures every now and then. I used to be able to truly call it a hobby but not so much anymore.


My life is... well, boring. 


I am completely in love with a man who serves our great country. Our life together thus far has been short, but it's been one big, huge learning experience. I've felt feelings I didn't know were there, feelings I thought I'd buried never to be felt again. I've learned a whole new meaning to the words: respect, honor, friendship and trust. 


I have a life of my own, my own hobbies, my own likes and dislikes. But once you strip all that away, my life revolves around a man who wears ACU's to work. 


I haven't figured out exactly what I want to do with this blog yet. I write a lot, but not as much as I should. When I do, it's usually prose. And it usually gets posted on a separate blog created solely for the sharing of my creative writing. However, lately I've been feeling a pull to do something a little different. Or at least create something, a folder or compartment if you will, for the military aspect of my life.


Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with it all and the pieces that surround it, yet I hate mixing it in with what's left of my civilian life. I feel it's extremely important to keep the two separate in order to maintain a sense of who I am without needing a man to define me. 


I've written pieces in the past the were military in subject matter and chose not the share them. I've also written a few that I have. I think it's time to get them all out and do something with them. They deserve to be read. 


If you've made it this far, please keep going...
An idea that I had for this blog was a way to try and answer questions and give advice to other girls who have been where I have [with the military], who are going through things I've gone through... I'm not an expert, I'll be the first to admit that. But I have learned a lot in my short time thus far and I feel like I have a lot to share. 
So if you have any comments, questions, criticism, etc please post it.
It's been a long while since I started a blog from scratch so please bare with me as I figure the ins and outs of this again. 
Looking forward to getting started!
-e.